Wallet Photo
by snake screamer
Summary: My first archer request story. hope you enjoy


_This is a request done by Star Saber21 who had the idea when he read Mallorys Deal by red Witch, when Krieger wanted a picture of her for "his wallet." hope you enjoy it Star Saber._

"Ray can I ask you a favor." Krieger asked

"What... why?" Ray questioned. He was in Krieger lab for his legs and hand check up.

"Remember how I mention needing new pictures for my wallet?"

"Not really..."

"Well i need new one and I manage to... convince the others for a group photo to replace all the ones in my wallet."

"Whats wrong with the ones you already have in your wallet. I asked already guessing why." Ray said

"If that guess being, they aren't exactly the kind you show people, then you guess right." Krieger said showing Ray his wallet photos, with the first one being Archer passed out drunk surrounded by empty bottles.

"Why would you have that one in your wallet?" Ray questioned "What don't you see it enough in real life."

"That to remember the team building trip to Barbados."

"Odd... i don't recall ever going to Barbados for team building." Ray muttered

"That cause you were all drunk on my moonshine." Krieger said abit proudly

"We got drunk on moonshine you made." Ray said "Waitaminute... is this in anyway connected to how we found ourselves all mysteriously in Mrs. Archer apartment with a helicopter stuck in the room and for some reason were all wearing body paint."

"... No...but on a unrelated note, i think were safe to go to Barbados again since there weren't any footage." Krieger said shiftily

"Any footage of what?" Ray asked

"Don't worry about it." Krieger said "Oh look at number 2."

Mallory screaming and pointing her gun at the camera and looking worse for wear.

"Why is she pointing a gun at you?" Ray asked suspiciously.

"I may or may not have done something she found... unpleasant." Krieger stated

"Which was?"

"Well let just say no one can appreciate a octopus with cybernetic limbs that make it perfect as a one man salon... or that i might have factor it attacking someone who ate fish for lunch." Krieger said

"That explains what looks like suction cup wounds!" Ray stated, he then look underneath and blinked at the sight of what looks like Lana 1/2 naked and choking archer. "Heres a picture i could see in Cyril wallet."

"Aww this one i'm kinda proud of." Krieger said fondly "That was a good experiment."

"Experiment?"

"Well remember that time we all got stuck in that elevator?" Krieger questioned

"Vividly." Ray said

"Well I wanted to see what happen if the situation occur but only to two people and i promise told them the other has the key."

"Let me guess, they beat the stuffing out of each other."

"Oh yeah, it was great! I'm still selling dvd of it." Krieger stated

"Of course you are." Ray muttered as he looked at another picture which was of Pam passed out naked. "And what horrible story is this connected to."

"Oh nothing just saw her naked and decided to take a pic, what its not like she hasn't done it to at least one person of the group."

"Fair enough... I guess." Ray muttered as he looked at another picture showing Cheryl lighting stuff on fire and laughing maniacally "And this one?"

"Oh now that one has a story, full of sexy gypsies, a tape worm and a large bottle of orange soda... but i find the story tedious so lets move on." Krieger said showing the next picture which shows Cyril crying.

"And this?"

"Ahh yes, that when I needed Cyril help with eyeball scooping."

"How the devil did you get him to do that?"

"Remember when everyone had horrible gas flu."

"... You didn't." Ray growled

"To be fair, it was only suppose to affect Archer and his mother, after that one fiasco."

"Krieger, you literally made it vague as hell cause fiasco doesn't narrow it down."

"The one where mallory try to make Cyril a agent the first time."

"Oh you mean the one with the almost dead hooker." Ray said "I heard about that one."

"Yeah Cyril didn't like Archer pulling that trick so used me to tried and get revenge for archer for causing the incident and his mother for creating the incident in the first place, unfortunately due to cyril over-eagerness and his INCREDIBLY bad aim with even a blow-gun. he became carrier one."

"I had to cancelled all my social gathering for a week and a half cause i was farting and coughing like a crazy person! and why did Cyril chose such a lame virus like that."

"I think it was before Cyril got all... dark with his plans. Anywho since technically it did work, just not the way planned, i force to eye scoop my arachno-Jackal hybrid to insert into my cyborg boar experiment for eyes."

"Ugh." Ray grimaced as he decided to look at the last picture and hope that it will end this conversation. He did a double take as he realize he was looking at his own bare ass

"Krieger."

"Yes?"

"Why do you have a picture of my ass?" Ray questioned

"Well for one, Its the nicest one in the group."

"Okay..."

"And secondly i wanted to admire my work as i finish surgery on your now workable legs." Krieger said

"So after showing me those pictures your now going to guilt-trip me." Ray stated

"Yes." Krieger stated

"You know what fine, I have nothing plan for today and since it just a simple picture i guess i can join."

"Perfect i'll see you this evening."

"Yeah-yeah." Ray said as he left Krieger lab. Krieger waited till he was gone than move to his secret room where his android doppelganger were getting dressed

"Okay all of you are still on cept Android-Ray since unlike the others, your original said yes."

"Fine by me." Robot Ray said "Cause the clothes you chose for the photograph are tacky."

 _End_


End file.
